Satire: Korea, Ben Folds, and Asian Americans

Oh hey, I'm still here. I've been meaning to do some student profiles, before they slip out of my memory (I had so many good kids at my last hagwon), but I guess I can't bring myself to do it.

What I CAN bring myself to do, though, is bitter, incompetent parody. I started working on this—a parody of Rockin' the Suburbs changed to reflect some of the worst foreigners I ever met in Korea—a couple years ago and, inspired by Douglas Kim's "I'm Asian American," decided to finish it today. First, enjoy Kim's version, because it's great:



That said, here's my own Rockin' the Suburbs parody. It'd be my dream if someone recorded this. Maybe I'll record it myself when I have the time. (Hah! Fat chance.)

Rockin' Korea
(White Whine Anthem)
With apologies to Ben Folds


Let me tell y'all what it's like
Being male, middle class, and white.
Despite my privileges I still believe
I'm an oppressed minority.
Sham on!

I got shit posted on my blog
It's so hip, please follow along
While I drink in Itaewon
And sing Journey in the noraebang.

I'm rockin' Korea,
Just like Doug MacArthur did.
I'm rockin' Korea;
Only care when it's me that's exploited.
I'm rockin' Korea!
Cash the checks and drink the booze.
After all, I'm not Korean, why should I follow all their rules?


I'm pissed off, it's because I'm white
That people push on the subway line.
Ajosshis, you make me so uptight
Gonna rant in the bar tonight.
All I do is piss and moan
But never, ever go back home.

I'm rockin' in Korea,
Just like Bella Bishop did.
I'm rockin' Korea;
Only care when it's me that's exploited.
I'm rockin' Korea!
Cash the check and drink the booze.
After all, I'm not Korean, why should I follow all their rules?

In a haze today,
What the fuck did I do last night?
I can feel that something's not right
I can feel that someone's next to me
in bed! I'm dead,
I don't want a K-girlfriend!
'Cause all the guys who post on Dave's place
Have well assured me that Korean girls are cray.
It wasn't my idea,
It wasn't my idea,
It never was my idea.
I just went to Hongdae
For some soju stress relief.

Ya'll don't know what it's like
Being male, middle class and white.

Y'all don't know what it's like,
being male, middle class, and white.

Y'all don't know what it's like,
being male, middle class and white.

Y'all don't know what it's like,
being male, middle class, and white.

It gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say
It gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say
It gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say

씨 발~~~~!


Just like Alan Alda did.
I'm rockin' Korea;
Only care when it's me that's exploited.
I'm rockin' Korea,
Cash the checks and drink the booze.
After all, I'm not Korean, why should I follow all their rules?
Fuck this place~

Yeah, yeah!

I'm rockin' Korea,
yeah, yeah!

I'm rockin' Korea,
yeah, yeah!

You better watch out, because I'm gonna say 씨 발.
You better watch out, because I'm gonna say 씨 발.
You better watch out, because I'm gonna say 씨 발.
You better watch out, because I'm gonna say 씨 발.