Sunday, January 26, 2014

Self-Published Wacky Expat Shenanigans in South Korea Novels

I found something the other day that prompted me to crawl out of the woodwork, something I can best describe as the aborted fetus of a literary movement: the lost in Korea generation.



An overwhelming number of EFL teachers in South Korea end up writing blogs. Only natural: the majority of them are the first among their peer group to teach in Korea, and it's easier to share longform updates and photo essays via Wordpress or Blogger than it is via email or Facebook.  Plus, I think you'd find that many of them majored in English at university, to some extent—straight up English, or Creative Writing (guilty), or Journalism, and so on. I'd argue that crowd represents a disproportionately large number of EFL teachers in Korea. Not as many as Education, perhaps, but a close second.

Naturally, then, when you have people with a passion for words on what may be the biggest adventure of their lives, away from their friends and family for maybe the first time in their lives, a blog becomes a tempting, even an inevitable, step to take. Add a few words of encouragement in the comments, and you know what seems like an even better idea?

A novel

Full disclosure: I wouldn't have bothered digging these specimens up if I weren't up to tricks myself. I'm guilty of having literary aspirations, too. 

That's besides the point of this entry. I have some amount of high-falutin' critical literary thoughts on what a novel about teaching in South Korea should and shouldn't be, but that can come later. For now, I just want to float these links to self-published "wacky expat shenanigans in South Korea!" novels out into the world for your amusement, since they are pretty awful. If you want to write a novel about EFL teachers in South Korea, don't write one like these. Please.

Out of courtesy to the authors who, as far as I can Google, have moved on into careers unrelated to teaching English or creative writing, I won't include their names or links to their Facebook/LinkedIn profiles, all of which I was able to find rather easily. Which brings me to a piece of advice: when writing a book based on your own real life experiences, do yourself a favor and use a pen name. 



English Toss on Planet Andong by Dave Franklin (exception made because he is a writer by trade)


The granddaddy of all of these, though, is unusual in that it's mostly about being in jail: the infamous Brother One Cell by Cullen Thomas (who still seems to make bank on this book, so he gets named here, too). This one is maybe worth reading, but the reviews seem mixed, so it'll have to wait for a slow book day, after I've filled in the gaps of my English literature history.


Saturday, January 4, 2014

Blog Rec

I've been meaning to come out of my semi-retirement to talk about all of the insanity going on back on the peninsula: traitorous legislators in the south, power consolidation in the north, it's all crazytown! But—more competent people than myself are talking about it, so I'll just remain quiet. (Though, an interesting theory I came across: Uncle Jang was executed for setting KJU up with an ex porn star, and also maybe sleeping with her himself. Enjoy that one.)

(Also, news sources are reporting that he was fed to wild dogs? Fucking really? God, American media is stupid.)

Anyway, I'm not talking about that. What IS bringing me out of my retirement is a new blog on Korean history, written by one of my friends back in Korea (I almost typed "back home" there). It's called Figures of Korean History, and while there's only one entry now, there will be more in the future. Subscribe now!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

The Queen's Classroom: The Only K-Drama Worth Watching

Okay, maybe not entirely true, but never before has television moved me to tears. To tears!



I usually dislike television and that goes double for K-dramas. The last K-drama I tried to watch was 꽃보다 남자 (which just goes to show how often I could be roused to give a shit), and I couldn't even finish. 여왕의 교실, though, I would marathon until the wee hours of the morning. Here is what is good about it:

1. The kid actors actually look like real people instead of Botox'd and plastic surgery'd automatons.
2. The kid actors also aren't awful and awkward in their acting (but maybe I couldn't tell because I was too busy reading subtitles).
3. The kid characters are well-developed and a lot like actual kids. Anyone who's been in the kiddie hagwon business will recognize a few of their own students in the show. I know I did.
4. Satisfying character arcs for everyone, kids as well as adults.


All 16 episodes are available (with subtitles) here:

http://www.viki.com/tv/11843c-the-queens-classroom

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Rep. Lee Seok-ki (UPP) to be arrested for conspiracy, treason.

Parliament to handle arrest request for Rep. Lee Seok-ki next week. From the article:
Lee and some members of the Unified Progressive Party (UPP) have been accused by the National Intelligence Service (NIS) of planning an armed revolt if war breaks out with North Korea. The country's spy agency said the people under investigation hatched a plot to attack key infrastructure in the South to aid the North if conflict occurs.
I haven't seen this story surface in any of the blogs I still read or in any news; I guess because Syria is the big international story at the moment. One of my buddies back in Korea has been feeding me the story piecemeal. This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

When Worlds Collide

I love and miss you all. Have a weird news story involving a South Korean serviceman and a nearby high school. Apparently this went down while I was still in SK, but they didn't crack the case until now.

For reference, this (Hackettstown) is about 50 minutes away from my house. It's only 20 minutes away from one of my good college friends.
http://www.nj.com/warrenreporter/index.ssf/2013/07/man_who_called_from_south_kore.html

For the link phobic:


HACKETTSTOWN, NJ — Online chat rooms appear to be the link between a 19-year-old serving in the South Korean military and phone calls that led to the lockdown of four Hackettstown schools in 2012. 
Warren County Prosecutor Richard Burke and Hackettstown Police explained in a press conference today how Dae Woong Lee, a 19-year-old serving in the South Korean military, was charged in his country for a call threatening Hackettstown High School students that led to the lockdown on March, 26, 2012. 
Dae Woong Lee made two phone calls to the Warren County 911 Center, indicating he was in possession of an AK-47 in the woods behind Hackettstown High School, officials said. 
Lee spoke with the 911 dispatcher for an hour, threatening to kill students including one particular girl who Burke said Lee was previously communicating with in online chat rooms. 
The Procecutor's Office would not specify which website chat room was used to make contact. Burke indicated that it was not Facebook, but another form of social media.
Hackettstown High School, Hackettstown Middle School, Hatchery Hill School, Willow Grove School, St Mary’s school and Centenary College were placed on lockdown after Hackettstown Police responded, secured the area and contacted the Warren County Tactical Team. 
Law enforcement eventually determined there was no imminent threat to students, and the lockdown was lifted. 
"This is why we take these drills seriously," said Hackettstown High School Superintendent David Mango. "There is no incident that you can ever be fully prepared for." 
According to Principal Roy Huchel, the lockdown lasted for more than three hours and involved 955 students. He said that after the incident, the school's Child Study Team and guidance counselors were made available to students to discuss the emotional toll of the event. 
During the call to the 911 center, Lee identified himself as Kevin McGowan, 19, and spoke to the dispatcher about his girlfriend, his broken heart and rap songs he liked.
"We're not going to allow threats to our community and children to go unpunished," Burke said. "We could have walked away (from the investigation), but we're not going to do that; we're not going to tolerate this in Warren County," he said. 
Authorities were not immediately able to trace the call because it was made from a voice-over-IP address app that masks the phone number and makes it harder to trace, according to the Warren County 911 Center. 
This information was relayed to the Prosecutor's Office, which sought assistance from the N.J. State Police Electronic Surveillance Unit and the Attorney General's Office's Division of Criminal Justice and Electronic Surveillance Unit. 
Burke said that the 15-month "manpower intensive" investigation involved leads outside of New Jersey. 
"There were a lot of leads and one of them was in Wisconsin," Burke said. "There was a lot of investigation and a lot of man hours." 
They then acquired assistance from Middle Atlantic-Great Lakes Oraganized Crime Law Enforcement Network, the U.S. Marshall Service, U.S. Department of Homeland Security, the FBI and the U.S. Attorney's Office. 
"It was determined that the target of the investigation was outside of the United States, and specifically located in South Korea," Burke said. "Without the coordination of all efforts this was not possible." 
Homeland Security continued the investigation along with the Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency, which was able to locate and interview Lee on Jan. 27. 
On Monday, June 3, Lee was charged with obstruction of business in Korea and faces up to five years in prison and a fine up to the equivalent of $15,000. 
Burke said Lee is currently not in jail, and will remain serving in the South Korean military until the matter is resolved. 
"We have no intention of extraditing," Burke said, adding that the punishment is equivalent in the United States and the costs to extradite would be large. He added that he believes "their process is quicker than ours." 
Warren County Freeholder Director Jason Sarnoski concluded the press conference by congratulating everyone involved for their hard work. 
"There is no such thing as a small county or a small town anymore. We live in a global society," he said, "and we can be affected by anyone. We need to be constantly alert." 
Michael McDonald, first assistant prosecutor for Warren County, hopes that resolving this will deter others from making threats in the future. 
"There is no way to know if a person is serious," McDonald said in an interview after the conference. "It scares you what's out there on the internet."

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Gentleman, Or: PSY Trolls Everyone

The video for PSY's new single is hilarious, and the song is damn catchy. It definitely made me a bit homesick for the sketchy bar districts in Seoul, even if I have decided I'm officially too old for that shit.



For those of you who want the Korean lyrics to this new earworm, here they are (courtesy of jumpersjump). It took me longer than it should have to find proper Hangul lyrics instead of awful romanized crap, so I'm doing my part to signal boost:

젠틀맨


알랑가몰라  화끈해야 하는건지
 알랑가몰라  말끔해야 하는건지
 알랑가몰라 아리까리하면 까리해
 알랑가몰라 We Like We We We Like Party  ~

 있잖아 말이야
 이사람으로 말씀드리자면 말이야
 용기 패기 똘끼 멋쟁이 말이야
 너가 듣고픈말 하고픈게 난데 말이야
 Damn! Girl! You so freakin sexy!

 Ah Ah Ah Ah~ I’m a…
 Ah Ah Ah Ah~ I’m a…
 Ah Ah Ah Ah~ I’m a mother father gentleman

 I’m a…
 Ah I’m a
 I'm a mother father gentleman
 I’m a…
 Ah I’m a
 I’m a mother father gentleman

 알랑가몰라  미끈해야하는건지
 알랑가몰라  쌔끈해야하는건지
 알랑가몰라 달링 빨리와서 난리해
 알랑가몰라 난리난리 났어 빨리해

 있잖아 말이야
 너의 머리 허리 다리 종아리 말이야
 Good! feeling feeling? Good! 부드럽게 말이야
 아주 그냥 헉소리나게 악소리 나게 말이야
 Damn! Girl! I’m a party mafia!

 Ah Ah Ah Ah~ I’m a…
 Ah Ah Ah Ah~ I’m a…
 Ah Ah Ah Ah~ I’m a mother father gentleman

 I’m a…
 Ah I’m a
 I’m a mother father gentleman
 I’m a…
 Ah I’m a
 I’m a mother father gentleman

 Gonna make you sweat.
 Gonna make you wet.
 You know who I am~ Wet PSY!

 Gonna make you sweat.
 Gonna make you wet.
 You know who I am~ Wet PSY!
Wet PSY! Wet PSY! Wet PSY! PSY! PSY! PSY!
 Ah I’m a mother father gentleman

 I’m a…
 Ah I’m a
 I’m a mother father gentleman
 I’m a…
 Ah I’m a
 I’m a mother father gentleman

 Mother father gentleman
 Mother father gentleman

Sunday, April 7, 2013

More Koreaboo Pique

Roboseyo breaks his blogging silence for a rational and sane discussion on the situation in North Korea.

Also, The Korean translated North Korean defector Joo Seong-ha's article on North Korea's "hacker army."

Some thoughts on the situation on the peninsula by another defector. In other words, the only time I'll ever link to CNN with a straight face.

And finally, Anonymous done goofed.

I'm still sitting on some student profiles; I've just been busy working a job and a half. I hope everyone enjoyed their semi-annual candy binge!